Mutual Desire and Intimacy

If adults learned to become comfortable freely expressing non-sexual physical physical intimacy as a part of the mate-selection process by rolling around like ferrets as learning The Intimate Dance requires, or experimenting with what they can do with their bodies as with acro-yoga, or coordinating their movements as with dancing, they could significantly increase the odds of selecting an optimally compatible lover. Such activities require good communication skills, too.

Practicing authentic relating, compassionate communication, circling and spiraling add to emotional intimacy skills. All of this is a pre-requisite to orgasmic success and intensification. When people realize that learning and practicing these things to perfection is a lot more important than having multiple lovers, cherishing and keeping the lover you've got will be more important than finding someone new to sex you up and humanity will begin to embrace the possibility of enhanced orgasmic expansion.

Increasing frustration tolerance in such a manner and eliminating any sense of sexual entitlement is a very important aspect of this process, which also leads normalizing the desire for living in a state of Sexual Enlightenment. As I write this it is still dangerous for women to express sexual enthusiasm because so many men get confused by it and think women are obligated to go all the way and deserve to be raped, divorced, abused, shunned, or abandoned if they aren't ready for that yet. One of the reasons women are required by law to be modest and hide their bodies in some countries is to protect them. But the respression causes men to view women as possessions.

Meanwhile date rape often goes unreported in countries where women are allowed more freedom to enjoy themselves as sexual beings because society tends to believe that certain types of dress and behavior are synonymous with an invitation to have sex. It is also very common for people in relationships to dutifully have accommodating sex because doing so is easier than enduring a begrudged lover who feels entitled to it. But without mutually passionate desire sexual relationships won't last. Even couples who stay together for the children, or simply because they don't believe in divorce, will evolve into platonic relationship or open marriages if they can't find a way to make mutiual desire sustainable.

This is why I believe that practicing intimate communication skills and developing non-sexual physical intimacy skills is so important and I offer programs to make all this possible.

Sexuality and Spirituality

I happened upon the abstract of a scientific article called ""Born again is a sexual term": demons, STDs, and God's healing sperm" on Pub Med. It sounded like something very interesting to read. So I posted the link on my facebook page. As soon as I did that, my dog began to growl. It was 3:54 in the morning. We were at home alone. We live kind of out in the country. I heard no odd noises and there wasn't any other reason for her to begin growling. She rarely growls. When she hears a strange noise, she runs around barking. I am very grateful to have a dog who can sense things I cannot. Just wish I knew what to make of it. Here is the link to the article I posted right before she began to growl:

Born Again is a Sexual Term

For sure I will be reading the book Holy Sex: God's Purpose and Plan for Our Sexuality. It is available on Amazon.

The Sexual Harassment of Bill Clinton

I liked the Clintons. I didn't vote for Bill the first time he ran, but my life got a whole lot better after he took office, so he got my vote the second time he ran. I also like his poet friend Miller William's, Miller's daughter Lucinda, his campaign manager James Carville, and how he intended to use the military as peace keepers rather than warriors.

What he did for the economy and deficit gave me hope for a good life like my parents had in the fifties. I bought a house while he was president. Sure wish I hadn't sold it so soon. It would be worth half a million now.

I never thought Bill had sex with that woman either. To me sex is sexual intercourse, and a bj is a bj, and I bet he was expecting there to be two more questions after "Did you have sex with Ms. Lewenski?" After getting a "No" to that question a good lawyer would have then asked, "Did you perform Cunnilingus on her?" After getting a "No" to the second question, a good lawyer would have then asked a third: "Did she perform fellatio on you?"

I bet he would have said "yes" to that. But the Republicans were oh so eager to convict him they didn't even ask enough relevant questions to do so legitimately. The reason the Democrats didn't vote to impeach him is because they knew he didn't intend to lie. Fact is, he didn't have sex with her. She had sex with him. Subtle nuances are very important, especially when someone is out to get you.

And with the way women are accusing men of sexual harassment these days for a hand on the lower back and a kiss on the forehead, it could have been very dangerous for him to say, "Ms. Lewenski, please come out from under my desk. This is NOT appropriate! I have a wife!" The rejection could have pissed her off and made her take revenge.

I had a co worker tell my boss that I sexually harassed him one time because I swatted a fly on the steering wheel. Something about me doing that made him think I wanted to have sex with him. So he began hitting on me. Over and over and over he hit on me. I kept saying no.

He hit on me so hard and so much that once he realized I wasn't going to a hotel with him, like he kept suggesting we do, he got scared that I was going to accuse him of sexual harassment. Not wanting to lose his job over it, he made a pre-emptive strike and accused me of sexually harassing him. If you accidentally, unintentionally flirt with a man and refuse to have sex with him, that's sexual harassment these days. Ultimately, I ended up leaving my job over it. It was just too uncomfortable to work there anymore.

A lot of guys will get angry and accuse you of prostitution scamming these days if you refuse to make an appointment with them for a massage because they are soliciting you for sex. Life is weird. Go figure.

Making Porn

When I told my producer that I wanted to have real orgasms for the camera, because I was worried that men were getting the wrong idea about what gets a woman off, he was very surprised to learn that I had just been acting. "Yes yes yes!" He said. "I want you to have real orgasms for the camera! I thought you were!" I explained that I thought he wanted me to put on a big show and told him that I would do it for real the next shoot.

So I came back (no pun intended) with my favorite vibrator intending to really have an orgasm for the camera. Well, he started clearing his throat and making the "pick it up" gesture that he always made when he wanted to see some more action, which is why I had never had an orgasm for the camera before. He always kept me so busy acting.

But I was going for a real orgasm, and didn't want to stop what I was doing because it felt so good. After a few seconds of him motioning for me to pick things up and me ignoring his signal and continuing to go for an orgasm, he put the camera down and said, "This isn't working." So I finally stopped what I was doing and asked him why not. He said, "What you are doing is boring! Guys aren't going to watch that. You've got to move around and make some noise in order for me to sell these videos. Make it exciting for them to watch. I know the market. Guys are not going to pay for this." I said, "So you're telling me that men are not interested in seeing women have real orgasms? All they want is for women to put on a great big fake show?" He shrugged and said, "If that's what a real orgasm is, guys aren't gonna pay to watch. It's not gonna turn them on. Men need to see something that will turn them on." I never made another porn flick after that.

I finally understood why men always lost their erections when I tried to have a real orgasm during sex with them. And why they always wanted to help, and tried to get me to hurry up what I was doing. They were bored! They wanted some action. What they always did to make it more exciting for themselves, interfered with my orgasmic process. I couldn't keep my finger on the spot with all the jiggling and massaging they were doing to try and get me off. I lost contact with my own pleasure when they tried to help out. I had to start over, and over, and over. That is why it is so much easier to have orgasms alone.

The more men tried to hurry me up, the more boring sex was for them, because they were just making the orgasm take longer for me. It only takes around 1-3 minutes for me to have an orgasm when nobody is distracting me or jiggling me. But when they stop me, and I have to start over, I am unlikely to ever get there. If I do, it's not as intense as it would have been if they'd stayed out of my way and let me go for it. Because there is a window of opportunity that maximizes my pleasure. I can tell when I am getting near an orgasm. If somebody tries to help me out at that point, it distracts me, and the distration is very frustrating. If I have to postpone my orgasm for too long, it won't be as intense.

But when a man can connect with me, and I trust him enough to surrender, allowing his body take me over the edge with him, my orgasm will be even more intense than when I do it for myself alone. Problem is it hasn't been possible for me to connect with very man men that way. That is why I teach The Intimate Dance...