Liberal Schmiberal

At first I was enthusiastic about moving to a liberal state, because I thought it meant there would be more freedom to self-express. But I quickly realized that "liberal" doesn’t mean what I thought it meant. Please allow me to explain: The state I came from is conservative. They have pretty much decriminalized prostitution because a case won't stick unless three things happen: 1) You have to request or promise something that it's illegal to sell and the definitions are very precise 2) You have to quote a price, and 3) The money has to change hands.

If those three things don’t happen a case won’t stick and the charges will be dropped. The police know it, and for the most part they only pursue prostitution cases during election cycle sweeps, or if the community complains about something or someone specifically. Law enforcement always goes after the people who are easiest to arrest when they are doing a sweep. It is those with no qualms about blatantly breaking the law who get arrested. But it’s very easy to stay out of trouble. All you have to do is be discreet.

I thought it would be easier to stay out of trouble in a liberal state. But I am surprised to learn it is not. What I quickly discovered is that liberal states have liberal laws. And that means it is easier for the government to make an arrest and prosecute people. With deep concern and dismay I shall elaborate.

Where I came from the hobbyists who prefer the company of upscale libertines know better than to hit on them for anything illegal because those ladies are extremely risk-averse. They will hang up on anyone who tries to buy sex. You can buy their time, companionship, a massage, or a yoga lesson. But you can’t ask them for something illegal. You can even get some of them to quote a price for things like relationship coaching, adult sex education, and sexual healing services. But they won’t respond to inquiries for something specifically illegal.

Specific is the key operative, because the law is so precise. 

Smart customers in conservative states also know that service providers who are not risk-averse are much more likely to be scam artists, thieves, or drug addicts who could care less if they get arrested because their pimps will immediately get them out of jail. Or, they could be undercover female cops trying to bust people for solicitation. Savvy clients know that risk-taking behavior is more likely to lead to trouble, so they don’t do it. Wise men spend some time independently vetting the adult service providers they are interested in, rather than soliciting them. They rely on their ability to be charming and influential to increase the odds of seductive success. The term “YMMV” (Your Mileage May Vary) seems to be a competitive source of pride for many.

The moral law in liberal states is extremely vague, broad and all encompassing, which makes it easier for the government to arrest and convict people. Even more perplexing is that although it is much more important to be discrete when you are trying to get your sensual needs met in a liberal state, all the customers are blatantly seeking reassurance of clandestine activity without any hesitation. It's appalling. 

When moral laws are written in a vague manner like they are in liberal states, judges have the liberty of a liberal interpretation, which means people don't have to be specific about their intentions.

In other words, something as simple as asking someone if they’d like to have fun and make money can get you arrested. People don’t even have to quote a price! No money has to change hands. Unfortunately and consequently, it’s a whole lot easier to get arrested in a liberal state than it is in a state where the law is very specific. Should anyone just choose to assure a potential client they are open to mix business and pleasure they can easily get busted. And the case is probably going to stick. Yet people completely ignore the law and seek illegal services.

Do they not know about the hitch hiker who decided to press charges against someone who gave him a ride? The person who stopped and offered a ride put his hand on the hitch hiker's leg and said, "Would you like to make some money?" The hitch hiker took offense and pressed solicitation charges. The driver of the car was subsequently arrested. His defense attorney argued that he didn’t ask for anything illegal. The hitch hiker argued that the driver most certainly did want something illegal, and it was obvious by of the way he touched his thigh. The judge agreed with the hitch hiker and the driver of the car was convicted of solicitation.

In light of how easy it is to be charged with solicitation in a liberal state, and get convicted, I am surprised the hobbyists are not a lot more discreet here than they are in the conservative state I came from. But 100% are blatantly soliciting perfect strangers over the phone, and in e-mails, sight unseen. This wouldn’t be a problem if you knew the person soliciting you was not an undercover cop hoping to make an arrest. But few hobbyists are willing to be screened and prove themselves. They simply require one-way trust in order to make an appointment.

I’ve always said the moral laws are unconstitutionally vague, broad and over reaching, even in the conservative state that I came from. But it’s much more disturbingly vague in liberal states. And unless the moral laws are over turned, which is never going to happen, because the Supreme Court always leaves those kinds of decisions up to the states, the law has to be obeyed. Because you can’t rent an apartment if you have a prostitution charge on your record.

Moral law is not going to change, but it could become moot and fade into obscurity like the laws against adultery and sodomy if people would be discreet. In order for that to happen, people must respect the law and get their needs met in a much more subtle way. But apparently all the people in liberal states are so traumatized by sexual abuse that goes unpunished, and fed up with the moral minority dictatorship, that they can’t resist rebelling against the law regardless of how easy it is to get arrested for something as compelling and important as the biological imperative.

What I am saying is, although it isn’t prudent or reasonable to put yourself and others at risk by asking people to commit to things that could easily lead to an arrest and conviction, everybody is doing it anyway. I find that rather shocking. If the moral law were to change, making it safe to purchase sex, the government would have to step in and protect the public by establishing another alphabet agency.

Of course they would have to call it the STD. Service providers would be required to register with the STD, and get a license to sell sex. They would also have to get checked by a doctor every week, take classes on how to do the work safely, and attend safe sex continuing education classes in order to maintain their licenses. Doctors visits and the price of required seminars would cut into their profits. Nobody wants that, not even the government.

It is also ironic how those who need variety and adventurous relationships with open-minded people are the least capable of embracing the mystery and surprise of spontaneous discovery, preferring instead to nail down the specifics of exactly what is going to happen, if they decide to make and/or keep an appointment. Why are those, who long for unshackled escapades, oddly unable to trust their instincts, or go with the flow and see what happens? Such trust would undoubtedly increase the odds of something more extraordinarily exciting happening.

A service provider cannot tell someone they have never even met exactly what’s going to happen because they are only half the equation. You’d have to know the answer to questions like: Can you touch your toes? Do you have good joint mobility? Have you had any recent surgeries or amputations? Do you have any serious diseases? Do you have any skin rashes, cancer, parasites, or diabetes? Are you taking drugs that impair your ability to function? Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you have good enough personal hygiene to prevent things like bad breath, BO, stink foot, and stinky butt crack? Do you have any foot fungus? Have you been checked for contagious diseases since your last sexual encounter? Are you vaccinated? But of course, nobody wants to talk about any of that.

People might be surprised at how often libertines must tell customers they have ring worms on their back side, because they don’t even know it. It is rather shocking how many customers show up with rashes and warts on their genitalia, and want to have sex anyway. The reason so many service providers suffer from chronic yeast infections is repeated exposure to jock itch. I know a service provider who got fungus on her lips from giving blow jobs.

In the dark of all the unknowns, customizing each session to meet the needs of the individual is inevitable. It is impossible to say, exactly, what direction an encounter will take if you’ve never met someone, had a chance to talk with them, get to know them, look over their body, find out what their needs are, explore what they are capable of, and discover what is possible to do comfortably and enjoyably.

Most service providers are open to anything that isn’t painful, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone, cause any legal problems, or require putting the health at risk. Some, sadly, are even willing to endure pain and put their health at risk in order to get the money. That is how desperate people are. And it is trafficking when that happens, whether you have a pimp or society is using poverty to force you into doing things you wouldn't ordinarily do, if you had better options.

Everybody needs to avoid bad reviews. Surely this has to be obvious. Seems like hobbyists could trust something so rational and simple. Yet they will not. Do they refuse because they are misogynists? Or is there an element of sensual intrigue that is needed to aid in arousal? There are a lot of scammers who have no qualms about lying. Some women go around the country promising people anything they want and quoting a price for it.

When a hobbyist arrives and pays his money, a muscle man comes out of the back room and accuses him of solicitation. The con artist keeps the money and threatens to call the cops and press charges immediately if the hobbyist doesn’t leave. This actually happened to someone I know. He lost $200 and learned the hard way that it’s a whole lot safer and more fun to make an appointment with someone who is discrete and risk-averse.

Why would a service provider assure someone he is going to get sex, sight unseen, when there are so many legal things that she could offer, thusly providing an introduction that could easily lead to a sexy encounter? 1) Because she is an undercover cop trying to make a bust, 2) Because she is a scammer looking to rip people off, 3) Because men have a sense of sexual entitlement and they won't make an appointment unless they are assured of an erotic time, as they like to fantasize about what's going to happen to them. Number three is what disturbs me the most.

The reassurances people seek before confirming an appointment makes it obvious they are interested in one thing, and one thing only: putting you in a trick. Those with no interest in a legal medium that makes it possible to advertise and meet without getting arrested are every man Joe Blow least common denominators who devolve the business into rebellious corruption.

I was at a country western night club one night and a very nice handsome cowboy extended his hand and asked me to dance. As we glided around the dance floor he whispered in my ear...

“Do you know why I love country western dancing so much?” He asked.
I said, “No, why?”
He replied, “Because if I walked up to a woman and ask her to rub her titties all over my chest, she would slap the shit out of me. But if I extend my hand and ask her to dance, she’ll do it all by herself without me even asking.”

In a conservative state it is safe to be subtle and elude to a good time as long as you are not specifically quoting a price for something that is illegal to sell. But not in a liberal state. Those who blatantly solicit sexual services anyway are crude and unsophisticated. How disrespectful and invalidating it is to completely ignore the companionship, massage, coaching, or whatever perfectly legal service is being offered, as if it is completely insignificant and doesn't even matter.

People who do that are much more difficult to work with than those who care enough to respectfully refrain from putting service providers at risk. Displaying such crude behavior is beyond rude. Do they not know that undercover female police officers posing as service providers will always promise the hobbyists anything they want? And in a liberal state it doesn’t even have to be a specific sex act! They could just promise you a good time. In a liberal state it is very important to be specific about what you are buying in case you end up in court, and it needs to be something legal, not sex or something that could be mistaken for sex.

Another thing a lot of people don't know is that sometimes the cops will offer to drop the charges for hobbyists if they will agree to testify against a service provider in court. That is what happened to someone I know. He bought a massage from a "known prostitute" who was under surveillance. After she left, the cops knocked on his hotel room door and told him they would have to arrest him unless he agreed to turn state’s evidence against her. He agreed, but it didn’t save him. The police sent a letter to his home telling him when to show up in court. His wife got the mail, opened the letter from the police, and filed for divorce. He lost custody of his children and was forbidden from seeing them any more.

The way people go about getting their sexual needs met says a lot about them personally. Vying for reassurance that something sexy will happen with a perfect stranger before making or keeping an appointment is not only stupid and risky, it makes you seem like a cop. It also insures you will get busted if you happen to be soliciting a cop. Why men insist on doing it is beyond my comprehension, especially when it’s not even necessary.

What two consenting adults do in private once they’ve met in person, gotten to know each other, and become friends is a personal matter that has nothing to do with the business transaction of buying an honest legal service such as a massage, a yoga lesson, or even simple travel companionship services. Why not wait and try to seduce someone in person after becoming friends, giving the object of your desire a chance to feel safe, secure, and trust you? How can you even know if you want to have sex with someone sight unseen? Why don't the men in liberal states enjoy the challenge and mystery of seduction? Are they more afraid of rejection than getting arrested? Why is it so important to be absolutely certain that the service provider you are going to see is willing to include something illegal?

I used to work in a massage parlor a long time ago. One night several guys came in together. The guy who picked me didn’t ask me about any extras and I didn’t offer. I just gave him a really good massage. He was very nice and I liked him. I would have gladly done more if he’d offered me a tip. But he didn’t. So I presumed that he just wanted a therapeutic massage. And I made sure that he got a really good one. A year or two later I saw him at a country western night club and asked him to dance. That night I went home with him and we had some of the best sex I’d ever had. We became friends and were lovers off and on for many years.

We’re still friends, but we don't have sex any more because he’s in a relationship with someone else. He told me that after he and his buddies left the massage parlor that first night we met, his friends were all comparing notes and talking about what they got, and how much it cost. He was embarrassed to say that all he got was a massage. They laughed and told him he got ripped off. But he got a whole lot more free sex from me by being a gentleman than any of them got that night.

If you look for a service provider on an adult website, odds are the person is probably willing to include something extra. Why isn't that obvious? Why do guys always require verbal confirmation? Of course, the only way you'll get busted by asking if you can get some more is if the person advertising is a cop pretending to be a service provider. Perhaps female cops don’t go around pretending to be hookers and busting men for solicitation in liberal states. Is that the deal? Do only the service providers get arrested in liberal states, and not the solicitors, unless a hitch hiker files charges? Is this happening because men know they don't have to worry about going to jail and paying fines? So they could care less about putting the women at risk?

Well, if they ever start arresting johns in liberal states, an undercover cop is not going to give someone a really good massage. They don’t know how. So it’s a whole lot safer to wait and make your sexy request after getting your massage. A cop is not going to spend an hour putting customers into yoga postures and stretching them out, either. You never have to worry about someone advertising on an adult website calling the cops on you like the the hitch hiker who had his ride arrested. But you do need to take care and make sure you aren't soliciting a cop.

That is why it is much safer and discreet to wait and discuss erotic matters in person. Give it some time. Don't be a bull dozer. The elegant and sophisticated way of doing business is like the cowboy who extends his hand and asks a lady to dance. Why would someone prefer to get slapped?

In a conservative state male cops who pose as customers cannot take their clothes off in the process of arresting someone. As soon as the fact that a cop took his clothes off comes out in court, the charges will be dropped. But in liberal states the cops can get naked, receive a massage, and arrest a service provider if she takes her clothes off too, or simply includes the genitals with the massage. It is a sickening double standard that ought to be illegal. A good feminist attorney could have a field day with a case like that. But who wants to spend money on lawyers?

My point is to illustrate the importance of going slowly and giving service providers time to trust you. If you purchase and appreciate the legitimate marketable skills they are offering, before you inquire about any added value perks, you not only reduce your risk of getting arrested considerably, you also put the service provider at ease and become much more attractive in her eyes.

Service providers who are afraid you might be a cop, can then request proof of employment, references, and social media contacts. Such discretion protects everybody. It protects from dangerous perversion, rape, robbery, and arrest. There is no 100% fool proof way to avoid getting arrested because you could always be set up and framed. But there are plenty of ways to minimize the risk substantially and make it extremely unlikely. Yet very few people are doing it. This essay is an attempt to resolve the cognitive dissonance I feel about that fact.

It is inconceivable to me that hobbyists anywhere would rather break the law than make an appointment discretely, and wait to see how things unfold. Especially in a state where getting arrested and convicted is so much easier and more likely. Why can’t hobbyists who value variety and erotic adventures embrace the mystery and wait to see what happens? Men don’t refuse to play poker unless they know they are going to win, do they? How terribly disappointing could it be to get a really good massage or a yoga lesson that leaves you feeling relaxed and rejuvenated without any illegal services included? Especially if the price you paid for it was fair? You can always take some extra money along, so you don’t miss out on the opportunity to tip for something beyond, if it turns out the service provider likes you and is willing.

I understand people want what they want and many can’t afford to spend a whole lot of money on anything extra or a lengthy seduction process. But if the hobby is so much of a financial burden that you can't afford to invest in minimal relationship building before inquiring about the cost of getting your personal private needs met, perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it at all. Besides, having more confidence in your ability to be charming and influential would most certainly increase your mileage significantly. And what a small price to pay for practically eliminating the risk of getting arrested.

Is the risk-taking requirement phenomenon that troubles me so much the result of hobbyists being rejected by their wives and girlfriends? Is sexual rejection so devastating for men that they could care less about protecting everybody involved from the possibility of getting arrested? Is cutting a deal for sex, being certain you are going to get it, and then getting it, such a tremendous relief that you couldn't care less about freedom and liberty for everybody concerned?

As a former escort, I can honestly say how much more enjoyable it is to work with people who show respect for service providers and refrain from putting them at risk by embracing the experiential method of discovery. The work can even sometimes be fun when you aren’t anxious and paranoid, worried and wondering if you are going to make it through the day safely.

Seeking confirmation of a sensual component is an expression of neediness and doubt. Why is there any doubt? Especially if you found the service provider on an adult website. You'd have a greater chance of soliciting an under cover cop than finding an escort who isn't concerned about getting a bad review. Requiring service providers to state something that is better left taken for granted makes me suspect people have either experienced a whole lot of sexual rejection and disappointment in their personal lives, or they are just crude, callous, and uncaring. Men get rejected and disappointed for a reason. They don’t usually have very much skill and competence as lovers.

Most sexually active adults, both male and female, would take a ticket and wait in line to be with a world class lover. Hobbyists who are discreet and good in bed tend to exude an air of confidence that stimulates curiosity and makes you want to experience them. They also like being seduced and rarely feel the need to nail down a firm deal sight unseen. They get and give a lot more respect and appreciation than someone who tries to buy something illegal up front from a perfect stranger.

Why, when sex is so much more enjoyable if it is allowed to unfold naturally in due time, would anyone want to buy it? I’m not talking about seeing a service provider ten times before you get to have sex with her, either. But if it’s not even possible to wait until a session is well under way to ask about value added services, the sexual hunger being conveyed is disturbing. How tragic would it be if men had to invest in a platonic session or two, in order to earn enough trust to successfully seduce? Patience increases mileage. And there are people who have mastered the art.

Try this: Don’t ask for confirmation of a good time up front. Make your appointment discreetly. If you like what you see when you meet the service provider, the session ensues. If not, explain that it’s not going to work out, and give her a small amount of money to compensate her for gasoline and/or wasting her time. If you like what you see and decide to become friends, offer her a massage when she is done working on you. Make it a long, lingering, sensitive, slow, deep, and non-sexual one. If you do this, women will appreciate you so much they will want to please you. It will be genuine, not just an act.

A man I know who operates in such a manner tells me that almost every service provider he meets offers to clock out of the agency and spend the night with him, without asking for any extra money, if he would like. He says some of them offer to buy him dinner. When he writes a review it always says, “It was like a honeymoon!”

If you are disappointed, you can always post a bad review online and try to make yourself feel better. What are men so freaking worried about? Nobody wants a bad review. Everybody likes tips. Utilizing tips and reviews is a much more graceful way of getting your needs met than breaking the law by soliciting someone, possibly getting yourself arrested, and requiring service providers to put themselves at risk.

Depending on where you found the ad, you might run across some massage service providers with invincible scruples who absolutely refuse to include anything extra, ever, never. You might even discover the work they are doing is much more profound and lasting, because they are untainted by temptation. If that doesn't interest you, use the adult-oriented websites exclusively when searching for someone to see. If spending $100 and getting something legal instead of sex wouldn’t upset you too badly, try some of the massage service providers on Yelp. There are hobbyists who like to make appointments with new massage school graduates who advertise there.

Two men I know say they enjoy trying to seduce new masseuses into including value added sensual services by offering to pay them twice the price. Of course, doing something like that also increases the chances of meeting a service provider who will take offense, like the hitch hiker did, and press charges. So I don’t really recommend it. I only mention it because not everybody is afraid of spending money without the certainty of getting sex. In fact, they say they kind of like the challenge of seduction.

Seems like a “customer is always right” attitude has got to be essential in order to be successful, ultimately, does it not? If someone has been running an ad for quite sometime, they must be doing something right and getting customers, or they wouldn’t keep spending their money on advertising.

Solicitation is coercive. It isn't right or reasonable in light of how easy it is for the cops to arrest someone and make a case stick in the liberal states. Making an appointment with someone who is so desperate for money, or sex, that they are willing to risk getting arrested, is dangerous. It doesn’t matter if you are the hobbyist or the service provider. Brazen solicitation is one of the most unattractive and indiscreet types of behavior there is. Doing it significantly diminishes the chances of a genuinely hot and juicy encounter, too. So why do men do it? That's what I'd like to know. Why insist on putting yourself and the service providers at risk when it's not necessary? It makes the work seem so sleazy.

Hobbyists who insist on continuing to get their needs met in such a manner cultivate unsophisticated habits that spill over into mainstream dating, as well. They start treating ordinary dates like prostitutes, and wonder why the women refuse to go out again without getting paid. It establishes a negative vortex of diminishing returns at all levels of society. Why do men want that? Ignorance? Insecurity? Misogyny? Because they know the vast majority of people who get arrested for prostitution are women, and they are not worried about it happening to themselves? Why do service providers make appointments with hobbyists who require them to take the risk of getting arrested? That's an even better question.

The answer: Because it’s the only way to get appointments. And that is coercive. Coercion is cold and calculating. Requiring service providers to compromise themselves in order to get business makes it easier for the cops to pose as customers and bust them. Why would any kind and caring person want to make it easier for the police to use the moral law as an alternative form of taxation via fines and probation fees? Do people really want to do that when a slow seduction style would make room for affection to blossom, result in warmer more satisfying and enjoyable encounters, and render the prostitution laws moot by making it impossible for the police to build a case?

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