Nobody would want to mess around on anyone if they were so happy with the sex at home that having sex with somebody else paled in comparison, and that is how it should be. There is also a way to make it happen with commitment, respect, deeply satisfying nonsexual intimacy, becoming a world class lover, and channeling sexual energy consciously for a higher purpose.

But people are so eager to get it on that they don't take time to develop skill and confidence in bed. They don't have intimate communication skills. They don't even know how to make sure all that is even possible. And hardly anyone is a world class lover.

There are some things that the masculine essence can easily and naturally take the lead in, once they know how. And there are other things that the masculine must rely on the feminine to take the lead in, but the feminine must know how. There is a desperate need for intimate adult sex education, because so few people know how.

Who you are in a relationship with, says as much about you as it does about them. If your lover is messing around on you, they are obviously looking for something they need that they are not getting from you. Doesn't matter what your gender is.

Those who cannot be faithful are usually traumatized wounded souls whose boundaries have been shattered and they can't help it. People with good intimacy skills would try to fix the relationship they have first. People with good boundaries would break up first. But people don't.

They are often like the monkey with a hand in the cookie jar. They can't take their hand out of the jar because they don't want to let go of the cookies they are holding on to, until they find some they like better. If someone is cheating on you, you are good cookies, which means you must be a pretty good lover. Nobody wants to let go of a good lover because there are so many bad ones out there. But even the creme de la creme best lovers of all often fail to satisfy.

Some people think messing around is normal because so many people are doing it these days. Wanting to have and keep a lover while looking for someone better is trending. That is what polyamory is all about. But many people who agree to open their relationships, ultimately choose to remain abstinent, and just tolerate the infidelity of a partner for a variety of reasons.

Throughout time the masculine essence has notoriously blamed the feminine for it's need to get happy ending massages, have affairs with other people, and see escorts. It most often happens when a partner refuses to have sex because it has stopped turning them on. What do you do if your partner refuses to have sex and chooses to remain abstinent instead? Do you stay in a platonic relationship, or end it?

There is an entire profession devoted to helping people stay in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to have sex any more. It is the oldest profession. It enables people to get even with unfaithful partners by seeing someone else too. People keep their relationships together for the sake of children that way. Or because they don't want to lose half their assets. It's a practical matter.

Some people can dish it out, but they can't take it. The most common reason is that they can't afford to raise anyone else's kids. Living with infidelity is very painful when you haven't agreed to a polyamorous relationship up front. It is a crying shame that more people can't talk about what is going on in their relationships and make everything better instead of looking elsewhere for what they need.

Someone with healthy boundaries would end a monogamous commitment first, before being with someone else. How tragic and sad when that doesn't happen. Intimate adult sex education could help people avoid the pain of such trauma. We all deserve better. Everybody does.

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