Bringing More Love to the Planet

Twenty years ago I got very sick and nearly died. I prayed and asked God why this was happening when my career was just beginning to take off. A voice inside my head said, "People come to you because they want to have an experience of completion on all levels, is that correct?" As a tantra teacher, that is exactly why people make appointments with me. I could hear the voice aloud, like a radio, only it was inside my head. Because I heard the voice aloud, I said, "Yes!" Out loud.

The voice then said, "In order to have an experience of completion on all levels you must do the work of purification on all levels. That is why you are getting sick." I said, "Okay, is there anything else I should know?" The voice said, "Yes. You know that rib?" The first thing that popped into my mind was Adam's rib. So I said, "yes"... The voice said, "Well, I've got it!" It was Eve who spoke to me!

Then I felt like I was suddenly being pushed to yawn. I yawned a great big huge yawn and I couldn't stop yawning. I yawned over and over, and I wasn't even sleepy. I yawned and yawned and yawned and kept yawning unexpectedly off and on for about a week. After I started yawning Eve never spoke to me again. But she still makes me yawn at key times. So I know she is with me.

I have often heard Christian ministers talk about having a personal relationship with Christ and hearing the voice of God. Apparently I have a relationship with Eve. But Jesus has never spoken to me. I was raised in the Baptist church and tried "getting saved" many times. Being raised in a dysfunctional family, I really wanted to be saved and feel peace. But I never felt the peace. I guess Christ speaks to some people the way Eve spoke to me and that is how they know they are saved.

I dedicated and rededicated my life to Christ hoping to feel the peace that passes understanding that I'd always heard that some people feel. But nothing happened. I didn't feel a sense of peace. If anything, I felt more turmoil because I was afraid I wasn't saved. Eventually I gave up hope and became an agnostic. I remained agnostic until a strange thing happened. I began to see people grow horns and fangs.

Ironically, that is what restored my faith in God. And, oddly, it didn't scare me at all. My first thought was, "I am a child of God and demons cannot harm me!" I knew that since God is the creator of all and everything, he created the demons I was seeing too. I even reached up and tried to touch a man's horns one time. I did that because I wanted to know if they were physical, or just a visual hallucination.

When I tried to touch them, his horns receded and disappeared. The person who manifested those horns got very angry at me when they went away. He took me by the arms, threw me aside, left the room, and started packing up his house. A couple of weeks later the friend who introduced me to him said that he had moved to another state. Seeing people grow horns and fangs is how I became a believer in God again.

But I mostly just feel abandoned by God and on my own. It makes me very sad. I'd like to feel secure in relationship with God and be at peace. I only saw the horns and fangs when I was in my early twenties in the 1970's. As I write this, I am now 66 years old. At the time I was so worried about seeing demons that I talked with a Catholic priest about it. He told me I needed to stop using drugs. I did so and I haven't seen any more horns or fangs since. I have been clean and sober for 36 years now.

People started calling me a "Tantra teacher" in the 1990's. I had never even heard the word tantra before. I went and bought some books about it because I wanted to know why people were saying that about me. When I started reading them, I either thought it was a bunch of bunk, or I thought, "I could have written this!" There was no in between.

Since I thought half of it was bunk, I chose to call myself an intimacy coach instead, and distance myself. But the tantric community sought me out and wanted me to come speak, which I did. I soon discovered how advantageous it was to call myself a "tantra teacher" because advertising tantric massage attracts kind, loving, spiritual-minded people who are sincerely interested in personal growth of a sexual nature.

I like being associated with the tantra teachers. But I also consider myself A Course in Miracles Christian. On one hand being lumped in with the tantra teachers causes me a lot of stress because I fundamentally disagree with about half of what they believe. Those who adhere to, and teach the "principles" I disagree with, tend to judge me. To be perfectly honest, there is probably some judgement going both ways. I judge them and they judge me.

It is not my intention to judge anyone. I just don't know how to disagree without thinking that something is wrong. I am open to the possibility that truth can be a relative thing. I am sure that to them I seem lost, confused, and/or deceived. I also admit that am a very gullible and trusting person. I have experienced a lot of trauma because of it. I am both embarrassed and ashamed of my gullibility. But I have to own it because it is there, in me, as me. I also believe that my innocence in that regard protects me.

I have read that satan disguises themself as an angel of light. That was hard for me to understand because I think of God as love and love as pure white light. But I also realize that when light gets really bright, it also gets very hot. And I was conditioned by my upbringing to equate heat with hell. So I am both very cautious of extreme light, and very drawn to it. I know that heat purifies. The love making techniques that I know how to teach are causing men's auras to become very bright with white light. Other women are then drawn to their light like moths to flames. Therefore it is my duty to test men and make sure they are pure enough to use the information I teach respectfully and responsibly.

In 1977 I had a profound sexual experience. I met and fell in love with the love of my life. I fell in love with him because he made love like nobody else I had ever known before. His love making style was as different from all the other men I had been with as the Sun is different from the stars. Neither one of us were prepared for that kind of love.

While we were making love I became afraid that his soul was going to get in my body and my soul was going to get in his body. Once the fear subsided I found myself thinking that we were supposed to have a son, and it was going to be a Christ child. For twelve years I believed that I was put on this planet to have his son. But we were not destined to get married and have children. When he died in 1989 I had to completely re-evaluate my purpose in life, if it was not to have his child. Although I didn't have the words for it yet, I realized it was my destiny to teach others how to make love like the Sex Gods and Goddesses from Sirius.

I met Jim long before I knew anything about tantra. I was seeing the horns and fangs at the time I was seeing him, but he didn't have any. Because of my love for him I quit using drugs and alcohol, became a vegetarian, and started doing systemic cleansing. I wanted to prepare my body and make it a holy temple, because I wanted to have his child, and I thought it would be a Christ child because of the profound experience I had when we made love.

After Jim died, and people began to call me a tantra teacher, I learned the story of Radha and Krishna. Krishna's love for Radha was so great that he lost consciousness and dreamed he was Radha. When he woke up he believed that he was Radha. Radha and Krishna are one, Radha Krishna. They became one by making love. I also learned that Hindu's believe Jesus Christ was a reincarnation of Krishna. I found those Hindu teachings very comforting because they helped me understand what happened when I made love to Jim and became afraid that his soul was going to get in my body, and my soul was going to get in his body.

I also tend to believe that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. Because they called him "Rabbi", and rabbis are married men, so he must have been married to somebody. I have a degree in Anthropology and have read books by other Anthropologists who say there is evidence that Jesus and Magdalene had a daughter together. Many people believe there are descendants of Jesus Christ living on earth today. I tend to agree with them, if Jesus was indeed a human being, and not just a myth that love implanted to teach us how to be more loving people.

The Christian teachings (that women are supposed to obey men) have always seemed very misogynistic to me, until I began to view them through a tantric lens. Then they made perfect sense. A woman's body is supposed to involuntarily respond with orgasmic pleasure when a man says to "Come with me now!" It is not about a man telling a woman what to wear, where to work, how to keep house or take care of the kids. It is about bringing more love into this world by having spiritual children with very pure souls. It is done by consciously coordinating a mutual simultaneous orgasm. My life purpose is teaching people how.

Many Christian parents act like sex is the dirtiest nastiest most awful thing on earth, and teach the kids they are supposed to save it for someone they love. It is crazy making. How different would this world be if children were taught they were invited to come here and live on earth by means of a sacred holy ritual? But instead they think they are here because of something very nasty that their parents are ashamed of doing. We have to heal this rift in order for the human species to survive. Otherwise we are destined for extinction.

Drinking the blood and eating the body of Christ is another thing Christians do that I find very disturbing, even though I have done it plenty of times. It seems so barbaric to me. It is more like a satanic ritual than something that could usher in love. I guess maybe Jesus thought it would be necessary to fight fire with fire because he knew people would be dealing with demons. But it certainly doesn't seem to be working. Too many Christians are venomous, divisive, and hate-filled.

What I like about the Hindu religion is how they embrace Christ as a reincarnation of Krishna, and everybody is included in their communion rituals. There is no exclusion. Everybody gets to partake. The sacrament is wholesome and non-violent. They serve food that represents the abundance of nature, and love: fruit, nuts, and sweets. They are vegetarian. The ritual is so kind, loving, and beautiful.

The Christian religion purports to be all about love, but their sacrament is anything but. Alcohol is not called "spirits" for nothing. Most, if not all of the people I saw grow horns and fangs, were drinking alcohol. There is a demon associated with rum. Even worse is how you are supposed to pretend you are drinking the blood of Jesus Christ. What a horrifying notion. It has to be very scary for a child. They also eat a piece of cracker and pretend it is the body of Christ. That is cannibalism! How appalling?

I love that Jesus said we are supposed to do even greater things than he. I wish all the loving people who believe in Christ would start washing each others' feet with essential oils, the way Mary Magdalene did for Jesus. I once heard TD Jakes tell the story of Magdalene coming to find Christ and anoint him with oil. His rendition gave me chills. I will never forget it. We desperately need to end war and hatred on this planet. How can something like that be done with a barbaric ritual?

People need to learn intimate communication skills and how to coordinate mutual simultaneous orgasms. Why are they imagining they are vampires and cannibals? People need to be making love in a way that brings the dearest, sweetest, purest, most loving souls into this world. Teenagers could practice and master that skill without even taking their clothes off. Doing so would also increase their frustration tolerance and diminish date rape. But there is so much paranoia of sexual abuse, I doubt if I will live long enough to see it happen. The best I can do is offer the world an adult sex education curriculum that teaches sacred advanced love-making skills.

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