Beyond the Golden Rule

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," is wonderful advice in most circumstances. But in relationships between men and women who are lovers, it doesn't always go far enough. If you have ever been in a relationship with someone whose behavior left you feeling baffled, confused, frustrated, hurt, angry and/or disappointed, then this article was written for you. Much of the conflict between lovers could be avoided if people had a better understanding of the opposite sex, and a willingness to extend themselves in ways that are meaningful to one another. When it comes to love, if you don't go beyond the Golden Rule, your giving is merely selfish giving. 

The biggest mistake that a man can make in relationship to a woman is to think that whenever he is feeling sexually aroused, she must be feeling the same way too. A woman's passion is very deep and subtly ignited. Although women have a natural desire to be sexual at specific times of the month; even then, they only feel passionate desire if they are experiencing certain emotions. Men who understand this and learn how to consciously and deliberately evoke a passionate response from women will optimize their chances of experiencing long term sexual fulfillment in their relationships.

The most common mistake that women make in relationship to men is presuming that men are insensitive, selfish and inconsiderate when it comes to a woman's sexual needs and desires. Men are biologically programmed to be extremely sensitive to even the slightest sensual stimulation. They naturally feel sexual urges about things that seem sexually insignificant to women. Men, especially men of prime reproductive age, have frequent erections throughout the day. Their acute sensitivity and reaction to sensual stimulation can be distracting and confusing for everyone concerned. As a result, men often feel embarrassed, ashamed and sometimes even out of control. Many men deal with their sexual urges by suppressing them, denying them and ignoring them. Habitual suppression of sexual urges because of guilt, shame or a need to keep the peace in relationship with a jealous woman may eventually affect a man's ability to feel sexually aroused at all. Women who go beyond the Golden Rule understand and respect the nature of men. They know that it is an honor when a man chooses to channel all of his love to one woman, even though he is attracted to many. 

Women are biologically compelled for the sake of self-preservation and for the safety of their children to prefer lovers with whom they have a sense of safety and security. Trust is essential in order for a woman to feel passion and desire for a man. Mate selection was hardwired into a woman's DNA and is reinforced by the culture. The primitive women who survived, thrived and passed the most genes on to future generations were the ones who selected mates that were good hunters, courageous defenders and devoted lovers. And a woman's expression of love and her sexual desire for a man are still dependent upon her sense of confidence in him today. Sensitive men, who go beyond the Golden Rule, understand and respect the laws of nature. Knowing what it means for a woman to feel safe and secure in a man's arms, men must willingly and generously provide women with reassurance of their love and devotion. Women want to know that they are a high priority in a man's life before they give the most precious gift they have to give, their sexual love.

  Quite often women, who love men freely and uninhibitedly with all their hearts, get hurt in return because they are not skilled, disciplined and self-confident enough to weather the natural male fear of enmeshment. It takes a lot of patience to condition a man to receive the astounding gift of uninhibited feminine love. Most women do not have the endurance and stamina required to wait patiently while men develop the capacity love totally and completely in return. For women who do, the reward is the profound intimacy of transcendent love.

  For most men, relationships begin with sexual desire for a woman. A man sees a woman and she turns him on. He wonders if she is intelligent, too. He may not want her to be too smart; but she definitely has to be smart enough that he wouldn't be ashamed to introduce her to his family and friends. Then, if she is smart and wants to be his lover, he might be interested in getting to know her more intimately and developing a heart connection with her... some day, whenever the time is right. But only if she doesn't expect too much from him, too soon. But women rarely have sex with men unless they already feel a heart connection. When men and women don't understand and respect that their sexual responses are fundamentally and biologically different, they are likely to be disappointed with one another. Women think men are heartless and uncaring. Men are shocked at how quickly women become infatuated and possessive. 

Women who understand and respect the biological differences between men and women, can learn how to help men stay in relationship with them long enough to experience the joy and the power of uninhibited feminine love. In the initial stages of a relationship, it is best for women to mindfully control the amount of loving effort that they choose to invest in a man. They should slowly, carefully, and incrementally increase the outpouring of their loving gifts, withholding the fullness of love until a man indicates that he is ready for more. Ask him, "When would you like for me to call again?" If he cannot say, then it is better to wait until he calls you. Women must allow men to gradually become accustomed to the intensity of feminine love, carefully refraining from offering more than a man can handle. And as men slowly overcome their fear of being in the presence of deep and profound love, they will develop the ability to give women more of their time, attention and love in return.

  A woman with Goddess Wisdom knows that men will become preoccupied with other things frequently. She is also aware that it is partly because he is afraid of the power and momentum of feminine love. Men isolate themselves at times in order to adjust. Women should not blame men for the distress they feel when men want to be left alone. Men do not deserve to be shamed or emotionally manipulated for taking the time they need in order to feel safe in a relationship. It is natural for men to want to find out whether women are capable of emotional stability without them. The burden of making someone else happy is too great for any human being to withstand. Women have a responsibility to patiently wait and teach men that it is safe to be in love with them. It is when men finally realize that they are not going to be engulfed by feminine emotions that they can relax and love fully in return.

  For women who have a deep desire to give themselves totally in love, self restraint can be extremely difficult and counter intuitive. Men who want to experience the uninhibited power of passionately expressed feminine desire must realize this and be willing to share the responsibility by taking control of how fast the relationship is progressing, thereby circumventing an overheated melt down of emotions.

For example, unless a man is never planning to see a woman again, he ought to be willing to tell her when she can expect to hear from him. This very simple courtesy gives a woman permission to love him in his absence, to look forward to their next encounter, to plan for it and think of ways to make it exciting. Men do not have to be in the presence of women in order for feminine love to flow freely. Men, who do not say when or if they will be calling again, undermine woman's passion. They leave women vulnerable and afraid with hearts wide open. Women in this state will be compelled to call and seek reassurance. Men who go beyond the Golden Rule are assertive and set boundaries with regard to the progression of the relationship so women can relax and enjoy themselves instead of asking for attention.

  Couples who choose to go beyond the Golden Rule invest time and energy developing an intuition for one another. They strive for absolute honesty and behave predictably for one another in ways that lead to deep and abiding trust for each other. And they do so without sacrificing spontaneity and playfulness. They gently and lovingly open each others hearts into the bliss of sexual freedom by surrendering each moment to that which is. Identity, security, self-preservation, purpose and mission are all meaningless when merging together into oneness with God.

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