Dealing with the Intensity of Dancing

Dancing closely and intimately is more intense for some people than others. It can also be more intense in certain instances than others, even if you are relatively uninhibited. There are also different kinds of nervousness to experience. Dancing with someone who really turns you on will produce a different quality of nervousness than dancing with someone who doesn't. The jitters that are felt when there seems to be a lot at stake are quivery and damp. They make you sweat. The uneasiness of simply dancing as a practice can be more of a strong wary distancing quality as people struggle to gain trust for one another and maintain boundaries. And if you can find the courage to embrace someone that you do not like for a dance or two, you may notice a stiffness and rigidity in your body that makes it difficult to move as fluidly as you would like. In all instances, nervousness can be a clashing struggle both internal and external to the body. But there is also an opportunity to grow beyond it if the desire to do so is genuine and mutual.

It is much easier to relax beyond the nervous dancing jitters if you can sense that your parter feels it too, and is responding in kind. When both people move to mutually to expand or create a comfort zone in the subtle space that is between you, trust is established and can be built upon. To feel that you are being pulled into nervous tension against your will, or sensing that it is being pressed into you, or that you are being pushed away and rejected because it exists will result in alarm. Sometimes it may be necessary to create more space by breaking the connection and refraining from dancing together at all. Dancing is much more than just moving your feet around on the dance floor together. There is a very subtle invisible dance that is also occurring in the quality of connection people are making with their bodies. Cultivating and maintaining the exquisiteness of such connection requires an element of mutual honor and respect.



Precious is the opportunity to flirt with the edges of intensity on the dance floor. It adds a quality of richness to the dance experience. Dancing closely requires a special kind of courage. Dancing closely can be a very challenging exercise and there are paradoxical "less is more" lessons to learn as it both stretches comfort zones and increases the power of self-determination simultaneously. The effect has profound intimate implications, and not just on the dance floor. There is an appreciation that arises when the intensity of dancing closely becomes second nature that is similar to the intensity of sexual experience. that is why becoming more comfortable on the dance floor will have a positive affect on your sex life, too. Indeed, if I were the queen of the universe learning how to to close dance with a partner would be one of the prerequisites to purchasing a marriage license.

Increasing frustration tolerance by building trust while searching for that fine line of mutually agreed upon appropriateness where you can relax and breathe easy is the secret ingredient that causes intimate dancing to be so potent and meaningful. Developing a comfort zone involves both strengthening boundaries and learning how to respect them. Doing so can hold many delightful surprises. Have you ever decided to have sex with someone that you were not very attracted to, out of kindness I suppose, because a sense of sexual urgency and neediness could be detected? It is important to diminish sexual hunger in this world, even if only by a drop or two at a time, if you can. Have you ever been surprised to discover that someone was a fantastic lover, and noticed your respect deepening? Something similar happens when two people develop trust for one another on the dance floor. The magic I am speaking of is born from a commitment to mutually perfecting the alignment of intention.

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