Manifesting

I went to a manifestation workshop many years ago. The man who offered it said that if we did want he told us, and we didn't manifest what we wanted, he would give us our money back.

Essentially, the assignment was to write sentences on a piece of paper, like the teacher made me do in grade school when I forgot to get my report card signed and bring it back. I was so pissed that I paid $50 for someone to tell me to write sentences that I was determined to get my money back.

So every day I wrote down, "I am surrounded by tall handsome cowboys with big hats." I figured there was no way that was going to happen. After a few days of writing this on paper, I ran out of milk and had a craving for some cereal late at night. I got in my car and drove to the grocery store to buy milk.

Much to my surprise and amazement the store was full of tall handsome cowboys wearing big hats that night! There was one on the isle I walked down. There was one at the back of the store where I got the milk. There was one in front of me and behind me when I went to check out. I was surrounded by tall handsome men wearing cowboy hats.

The affirmation worked. I didn't ask for my money back.

How to Manifest Anything You Want

No Expectations

I feel fear when I hear someone say "No Expectations!" because I sense danger and my need for respect is not getting met. My brain translates "No Expectations!" into "Please count on disappointment due to my commitment phobias and I expect you to manage your negative feelings without any drama or revealing the unfairness of the situation."

No Expectations is not realistic. What if you told the electric company that? Or the landlord? The people who've said "No expectations!" to me have all been guys wanting to have sex without any responsibility. But what if I got pregnant? How do you say "no expectations" to a baby who is hungry? What if I catch an STD? Get the money for a doctor visit up front, just in case, and be accused of prostitution?

Like the electric company that shuts off the electricity, my emotions shut off when I hear "No Expectations!" Like the landlord, who evicts, I want people who say "No Expectations!" out of my life as I tend to judge them as irresponsible takers who are all too eager to suck others dry and smugly disappear after saying "I told you No Expectations!"

Obviously I am triggered and traumatized. I also realize that presumptions are not always realistic and it is important to communicate effectively and make sure you know what is really going on. But that is not always possible when the biological imperative is compelling double entendres and innuendos.

If you can take something that was said either way, NEVER give a "No Expectations" person the benefit of the doubt and presume they are honorable people of integrity with the highest and best intentions. For example, if they call in the middle of the night and say, "Can I come over, there is nobody else I can be with but you!" Be sure to ask, "Are you saying there is nobody you would rather be with than me? Or were you rejected by all the other women at the party that you went to without me, so now you need your wounded ego nurtured at 2 am by someone that you know you can count on, Mr. No Expectations?"

To a woman, it seems obvious that you can't have sex without being in a relationship. But not always true for men. Some of them aren't in a relationship unless they say so. And if they can get sex without saying so, they don't commit. If they can't get sex without the commitment, they might give it, but they will resent you. It can be rather shocking for a woman, who has been having sex with someone on a repeated and regular basis, to learn she isn't in a relationship with her lover.

It is important to ask the questions that you are afraid to ask up front, such as, "Are we going to be in a relationship if we start doing this, or do you just want to call me and have sex whenever you can't find someone new who is willing?"

The scary part of asking that question up front is if the person wants sex badly enough in the moment, you might end up in a relationship with someone who is a lousy lover. And then you would seem so shallow to end it immediately because you can't bear the thought of having sex on a repeated and regular basis with someone who turns you off, simple because of a relationship obligation.

Or, even worse, you could end up in relationship with someone who is good in bed, but he resents and abuses you because he didn't really want to make a commitment in order to get sex, so he is subconsciously trying to destroy the relationship and move on, so he can be with other women. Either way it's bad news. You can usually recognize guys like this because they are counting. If you ask them how many women they have been with, they will know the exact number. Commitments, slow down the talley whackers.

I say just fold the cards and run as fast as you can the minute you hear someone say, "No expectations" because it is not realistic nor respectful.

Liberal Schmiberal

At first I was enthusiastic about moving to a liberal state, because I thought it meant there would be more freedom to self-express. But I quickly realized that "liberal" doesn’t mean what I thought it meant. Please allow me to explain: The state I came from is conservative. They have pretty much decriminalized prostitution because a case won't stick unless three things happen: 1) You have to request or promise something that it's illegal to sell and the definitions are very precise 2) You have to quote a price, and 3) The money has to change hands.

If those three things don’t happen a case won’t stick and the charges will be dropped. The police know it, and for the most part they only pursue prostitution cases during election cycle sweeps, or if the community complains about something or someone specifically. Law enforcement always goes after the people who are easiest to arrest when they are doing a sweep. It is those with no qualms about blatantly breaking the law who get arrested. But it’s very easy to stay out of trouble. All you have to do is be discreet.

I thought it would be easier to stay out of trouble in a liberal state. But I am surprised to learn it is not. What I quickly discovered is that liberal states have liberal laws. And that means it is easier for the government to make an arrest and prosecute people. With deep concern and dismay I shall elaborate.

Where I came from the hobbyists who prefer the company of upscale libertines know better than to hit on them for anything illegal because those ladies are extremely risk-averse. They will hang up on anyone who tries to buy sex. You can buy their time, companionship, a massage, or a yoga lesson. But you can’t ask them for something illegal. You can even get some of them to quote a price for things like relationship coaching, adult sex education, and sexual healing services. But they won’t respond to inquiries for something specifically illegal.

Specific is the key operative, because the law is so precise. 

Smart customers in conservative states also know that service providers who are not risk-averse are much more likely to be scam artists, thieves, or drug addicts who could care less if they get arrested because their pimps will immediately get them out of jail. Or, they could be undercover female cops trying to bust people for solicitation. Savvy clients know that risk-taking behavior is more likely to lead to trouble, so they don’t do it. Wise men spend some time independently vetting the adult service providers they are interested in, rather than soliciting them. They rely on their ability to be charming and influential to increase the odds of seductive success. The term “YMMV” (Your Mileage May Vary) seems to be a competitive source of pride for many.

The moral law in liberal states is extremely vague, broad and all encompassing, which makes it easier for the government to arrest and convict people. Even more perplexing is that although it is much more important to be discrete when you are trying to get your sensual needs met in a liberal state, all the customers are blatantly seeking reassurance of clandestine activity without any hesitation. It's appalling. 

When moral laws are written in a vague manner like they are in liberal states, judges have the liberty of a liberal interpretation, which means people don't have to be specific about their intentions.

In other words, something as simple as asking someone if they’d like to have fun and make money can get you arrested. People don’t even have to quote a price! No money has to change hands. Unfortunately and consequently, it’s a whole lot easier to get arrested in a liberal state than it is in a state where the law is very specific. Should anyone just choose to assure a potential client they are open to mix business and pleasure they can easily get busted. And the case is probably going to stick. Yet people completely ignore the law and seek illegal services.

Do they not know about the hitch hiker who decided to press charges against someone who gave him a ride? The person who stopped and offered a ride put his hand on the hitch hiker's leg and said, "Would you like to make some money?" The hitch hiker took offense and pressed solicitation charges. The driver of the car was subsequently arrested. His defense attorney argued that he didn’t ask for anything illegal. The hitch hiker argued that the driver most certainly did want something illegal, and it was obvious by of the way he touched his thigh. The judge agreed with the hitch hiker and the driver of the car was convicted of solicitation.

In light of how easy it is to be charged with solicitation in a liberal state, and get convicted, I am surprised the hobbyists are not a lot more discreet here than they are in the conservative state I came from. But 100% are blatantly soliciting perfect strangers over the phone, and in e-mails, sight unseen. This wouldn’t be a problem if you knew the person soliciting you was not an undercover cop hoping to make an arrest. But few hobbyists are willing to be screened and prove themselves. They simply require one-way trust in order to make an appointment.

I’ve always said the moral laws are unconstitutionally vague, broad and over reaching, even in the conservative state that I came from. But it’s much more disturbingly vague in liberal states. And unless the moral laws are over turned, which is never going to happen, because the Supreme Court always leaves those kinds of decisions up to the states, the law has to be obeyed. Because you can’t rent an apartment if you have a prostitution charge on your record.

Moral law is not going to change, but it could become moot and fade into obscurity like the laws against adultery and sodomy if people would be discreet. In order for that to happen, people must respect the law and get their needs met in a much more subtle way. But apparently all the people in liberal states are so traumatized by sexual abuse that goes unpunished, and fed up with the moral minority dictatorship, that they can’t resist rebelling against the law regardless of how easy it is to get arrested for something as compelling and important as the biological imperative.

What I am saying is, although it isn’t prudent or reasonable to put yourself and others at risk by asking people to commit to things that could easily lead to an arrest and conviction, everybody is doing it anyway. I find that rather shocking. If the moral law were to change, making it safe to purchase sex, the government would have to step in and protect the public by establishing another alphabet agency.

Of course they would have to call it the STD. Service providers would be required to register with the STD, and get a license to sell sex. They would also have to get checked by a doctor every week, take classes on how to do the work safely, and attend safe sex continuing education classes in order to maintain their licenses. Doctors visits and the price of required seminars would cut into their profits. Nobody wants that, not even the government.

It is also ironic how those who need variety and adventurous relationships with open-minded people are the least capable of embracing the mystery and surprise of spontaneous discovery, preferring instead to nail down the specifics of exactly what is going to happen, if they decide to make and/or keep an appointment. Why are those, who long for unshackled escapades, oddly unable to trust their instincts, or go with the flow and see what happens? Such trust would undoubtedly increase the odds of something more extraordinarily exciting happening.

A service provider cannot tell someone they have never even met exactly what’s going to happen because they are only half the equation. You’d have to know the answer to questions like: Can you touch your toes? Do you have good joint mobility? Have you had any recent surgeries or amputations? Do you have any serious diseases? Do you have any skin rashes, cancer, parasites, or diabetes? Are you taking drugs that impair your ability to function? Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you have good enough personal hygiene to prevent things like bad breath, BO, stink foot, and stinky butt crack? Do you have any foot fungus? Have you been checked for contagious diseases since your last sexual encounter? Are you vaccinated? But of course, nobody wants to talk about any of that.

People might be surprised at how often libertines must tell customers they have ring worms on their back side, because they don’t even know it. It is rather shocking how many customers show up with rashes and warts on their genitalia, and want to have sex anyway. The reason so many service providers suffer from chronic yeast infections is repeated exposure to jock itch. I know a service provider who got fungus on her lips from giving blow jobs.

In the dark of all the unknowns, customizing each session to meet the needs of the individual is inevitable. It is impossible to say, exactly, what direction an encounter will take if you’ve never met someone, had a chance to talk with them, get to know them, look over their body, find out what their needs are, explore what they are capable of, and discover what is possible to do comfortably and enjoyably.

Most service providers are open to anything that isn’t painful, as long as it doesn’t harm anyone, cause any legal problems, or require putting the health at risk. Some, sadly, are even willing to endure pain and put their health at risk in order to get the money. That is how desperate people are. And it is trafficking when that happens, whether you have a pimp or society is using poverty to force you into doing things you wouldn't ordinarily do, if you had better options.

Everybody needs to avoid bad reviews. Surely this has to be obvious. Seems like hobbyists could trust something so rational and simple. Yet they will not. Do they refuse because they are misogynists? Or is there an element of sensual intrigue that is needed to aid in arousal? There are a lot of scammers who have no qualms about lying. Some women go around the country promising people anything they want and quoting a price for it.

When a hobbyist arrives and pays his money, a muscle man comes out of the back room and accuses him of solicitation. The con artist keeps the money and threatens to call the cops and press charges immediately if the hobbyist doesn’t leave. This actually happened to someone I know. He lost $200 and learned the hard way that it’s a whole lot safer and more fun to make an appointment with someone who is discrete and risk-averse.

Why would a service provider assure someone he is going to get sex, sight unseen, when there are so many legal things that she could offer, thusly providing an introduction that could easily lead to a sexy encounter? 1) Because she is an undercover cop trying to make a bust, 2) Because she is a scammer looking to rip people off, 3) Because men have a sense of sexual entitlement and they won't make an appointment unless they are assured of an erotic time, as they like to fantasize about what's going to happen to them. Number three is what disturbs me the most.

The reassurances people seek before confirming an appointment makes it obvious they are interested in one thing, and one thing only: putting you in a trick. Those with no interest in a legal medium that makes it possible to advertise and meet without getting arrested are every man Joe Blow least common denominators who devolve the business into rebellious corruption.

I was at a country western night club one night and a very nice handsome cowboy extended his hand and asked me to dance. As we glided around the dance floor he whispered in my ear...

“Do you know why I love country western dancing so much?” He asked.
I said, “No, why?”
He replied, “Because if I walked up to a woman and ask her to rub her titties all over my chest, she would slap the shit out of me. But if I extend my hand and ask her to dance, she’ll do it all by herself without me even asking.”

In a conservative state it is safe to be subtle and elude to a good time as long as you are not specifically quoting a price for something that is illegal to sell. But not in a liberal state. Those who blatantly solicit sexual services anyway are crude and unsophisticated. How disrespectful and invalidating it is to completely ignore the companionship, massage, coaching, or whatever perfectly legal service is being offered, as if it is completely insignificant and doesn't even matter.

People who do that are much more difficult to work with than those who care enough to respectfully refrain from putting service providers at risk. Displaying such crude behavior is beyond rude. Do they not know that undercover female police officers posing as service providers will always promise the hobbyists anything they want? And in a liberal state it doesn’t even have to be a specific sex act! They could just promise you a good time. In a liberal state it is very important to be specific about what you are buying in case you end up in court, and it needs to be something legal, not sex or something that could be mistaken for sex.

Another thing a lot of people don't know is that sometimes the cops will offer to drop the charges for hobbyists if they will agree to testify against a service provider in court. That is what happened to someone I know. He bought a massage from a "known prostitute" who was under surveillance. After she left, the cops knocked on his hotel room door and told him they would have to arrest him unless he agreed to turn state’s evidence against her. He agreed, but it didn’t save him. The police sent a letter to his home telling him when to show up in court. His wife got the mail, opened the letter from the police, and filed for divorce. He lost custody of his children and was forbidden from seeing them any more.

The way people go about getting their sexual needs met says a lot about them personally. Vying for reassurance that something sexy will happen with a perfect stranger before making or keeping an appointment is not only stupid and risky, it makes you seem like a cop. It also insures you will get busted if you happen to be soliciting a cop. Why men insist on doing it is beyond my comprehension, especially when it’s not even necessary.

What two consenting adults do in private once they’ve met in person, gotten to know each other, and become friends is a personal matter that has nothing to do with the business transaction of buying an honest legal service such as a massage, a yoga lesson, or even simple travel companionship services. Why not wait and try to seduce someone in person after becoming friends, giving the object of your desire a chance to feel safe, secure, and trust you? How can you even know if you want to have sex with someone sight unseen? Why don't the men in liberal states enjoy the challenge and mystery of seduction? Are they more afraid of rejection than getting arrested? Why is it so important to be absolutely certain that the service provider you are going to see is willing to include something illegal?

I used to work in a massage parlor a long time ago. One night several guys came in together. The guy who picked me didn’t ask me about any extras and I didn’t offer. I just gave him a really good massage. He was very nice and I liked him. I would have gladly done more if he’d offered me a tip. But he didn’t. So I presumed that he just wanted a therapeutic massage. And I made sure that he got a really good one. A year or two later I saw him at a country western night club and asked him to dance. That night I went home with him and we had some of the best sex I’d ever had. We became friends and were lovers off and on for many years.

We’re still friends, but we don't have sex any more because he’s in a relationship with someone else. He told me that after he and his buddies left the massage parlor that first night we met, his friends were all comparing notes and talking about what they got, and how much it cost. He was embarrassed to say that all he got was a massage. They laughed and told him he got ripped off. But he got a whole lot more free sex from me by being a gentleman than any of them got that night.

If you look for a service provider on an adult website, odds are the person is probably willing to include something extra. Why isn't that obvious? Why do guys always require verbal confirmation? Of course, the only way you'll get busted by asking if you can get some more is if the person advertising is a cop pretending to be a service provider. Perhaps female cops don’t go around pretending to be hookers and busting men for solicitation in liberal states. Is that the deal? Do only the service providers get arrested in liberal states, and not the solicitors, unless a hitch hiker files charges? Is this happening because men know they don't have to worry about going to jail and paying fines? So they could care less about putting the women at risk?

Well, if they ever start arresting johns in liberal states, an undercover cop is not going to give someone a really good massage. They don’t know how. So it’s a whole lot safer to wait and make your sexy request after getting your massage. A cop is not going to spend an hour putting customers into yoga postures and stretching them out, either. You never have to worry about someone advertising on an adult website calling the cops on you like the the hitch hiker who had his ride arrested. But you do need to take care and make sure you aren't soliciting a cop.

That is why it is much safer and discreet to wait and discuss erotic matters in person. Give it some time. Don't be a bull dozer. The elegant and sophisticated way of doing business is like the cowboy who extends his hand and asks a lady to dance. Why would someone prefer to get slapped?

In a conservative state male cops who pose as customers cannot take their clothes off in the process of arresting someone. As soon as the fact that a cop took his clothes off comes out in court, the charges will be dropped. But in liberal states the cops can get naked, receive a massage, and arrest a service provider if she takes her clothes off too, or simply includes the genitals with the massage. It is a sickening double standard that ought to be illegal. A good feminist attorney could have a field day with a case like that. But who wants to spend money on lawyers?

My point is to illustrate the importance of going slowly and giving service providers time to trust you. If you purchase and appreciate the legitimate marketable skills they are offering, before you inquire about any added value perks, you not only reduce your risk of getting arrested considerably, you also put the service provider at ease and become much more attractive in her eyes.

Service providers who are afraid you might be a cop, can then request proof of employment, references, and social media contacts. Such discretion protects everybody. It protects from dangerous perversion, rape, robbery, and arrest. There is no 100% fool proof way to avoid getting arrested because you could always be set up and framed. But there are plenty of ways to minimize the risk substantially and make it extremely unlikely. Yet very few people are doing it. This essay is an attempt to resolve the cognitive dissonance I feel about that fact.

It is inconceivable to me that hobbyists anywhere would rather break the law than make an appointment discretely, and wait to see how things unfold. Especially in a state where getting arrested and convicted is so much easier and more likely. Why can’t hobbyists who value variety and erotic adventures embrace the mystery and wait to see what happens? Men don’t refuse to play poker unless they know they are going to win, do they? How terribly disappointing could it be to get a really good massage or a yoga lesson that leaves you feeling relaxed and rejuvenated without any illegal services included? Especially if the price you paid for it was fair? You can always take some extra money along, so you don’t miss out on the opportunity to tip for something beyond, if it turns out the service provider likes you and is willing.

I understand people want what they want and many can’t afford to spend a whole lot of money on anything extra or a lengthy seduction process. But if the hobby is so much of a financial burden that you can't afford to invest in minimal relationship building before inquiring about the cost of getting your personal private needs met, perhaps you shouldn’t be doing it at all. Besides, having more confidence in your ability to be charming and influential would most certainly increase your mileage significantly. And what a small price to pay for practically eliminating the risk of getting arrested.

Is the risk-taking requirement phenomenon that troubles me so much the result of hobbyists being rejected by their wives and girlfriends? Is sexual rejection so devastating for men that they could care less about protecting everybody involved from the possibility of getting arrested? Is cutting a deal for sex, being certain you are going to get it, and then getting it, such a tremendous relief that you couldn't care less about freedom and liberty for everybody concerned?

As a former escort, I can honestly say how much more enjoyable it is to work with people who show respect for service providers and refrain from putting them at risk by embracing the experiential method of discovery. The work can even sometimes be fun when you aren’t anxious and paranoid, worried and wondering if you are going to make it through the day safely.

Seeking confirmation of a sensual component is an expression of neediness and doubt. Why is there any doubt? Especially if you found the service provider on an adult website. You'd have a greater chance of soliciting an under cover cop than finding an escort who isn't concerned about getting a bad review. Requiring service providers to state something that is better left taken for granted makes me suspect people have either experienced a whole lot of sexual rejection and disappointment in their personal lives, or they are just crude, callous, and uncaring. Men get rejected and disappointed for a reason. They don’t usually have very much skill and competence as lovers.

Most sexually active adults, both male and female, would take a ticket and wait in line to be with a world class lover. Hobbyists who are discreet and good in bed tend to exude an air of confidence that stimulates curiosity and makes you want to experience them. They also like being seduced and rarely feel the need to nail down a firm deal sight unseen. They get and give a lot more respect and appreciation than someone who tries to buy something illegal up front from a perfect stranger.

Why, when sex is so much more enjoyable if it is allowed to unfold naturally in due time, would anyone want to buy it? I’m not talking about seeing a service provider ten times before you get to have sex with her, either. But if it’s not even possible to wait until a session is well under way to ask about value added services, the sexual hunger being conveyed is disturbing. How tragic would it be if men had to invest in a platonic session or two, in order to earn enough trust to successfully seduce? Patience increases mileage. And there are people who have mastered the art.

Try this: Don’t ask for confirmation of a good time up front. Make your appointment discreetly. If you like what you see when you meet the service provider, the session ensues. If not, explain that it’s not going to work out, and give her a small amount of money to compensate her for gasoline and/or wasting her time. If you like what you see and decide to become friends, offer her a massage when she is done working on you. Make it a long, lingering, sensitive, slow, deep, and non-sexual one. If you do this, women will appreciate you so much they will want to please you. It will be genuine, not just an act.

A man I know who operates in such a manner tells me that almost every service provider he meets offers to clock out of the agency and spend the night with him, without asking for any extra money, if he would like. He says some of them offer to buy him dinner. When he writes a review it always says, “It was like a honeymoon!”

If you are disappointed, you can always post a bad review online and try to make yourself feel better. What are men so freaking worried about? Nobody wants a bad review. Everybody likes tips. Utilizing tips and reviews is a much more graceful way of getting your needs met than breaking the law by soliciting someone, possibly getting yourself arrested, and requiring service providers to put themselves at risk.

Depending on where you found the ad, you might run across some massage service providers with invincible scruples who absolutely refuse to include anything extra, ever, never. You might even discover the work they are doing is much more profound and lasting, because they are untainted by temptation. If that doesn't interest you, use the adult-oriented websites exclusively when searching for someone to see. If spending $100 and getting something legal instead of sex wouldn’t upset you too badly, try some of the massage service providers on Yelp. There are hobbyists who like to make appointments with new massage school graduates who advertise there.

Two men I know say they enjoy trying to seduce new masseuses into including value added sensual services by offering to pay them twice the price. Of course, doing something like that also increases the chances of meeting a service provider who will take offense, like the hitch hiker did, and press charges. So I don’t really recommend it. I only mention it because not everybody is afraid of spending money without the certainty of getting sex. In fact, they say they kind of like the challenge of seduction.

Seems like a “customer is always right” attitude has got to be essential in order to be successful, ultimately, does it not? If someone has been running an ad for quite sometime, they must be doing something right and getting customers, or they wouldn’t keep spending their money on advertising.

Solicitation is coercive. It isn't right or reasonable in light of how easy it is for the cops to arrest someone and make a case stick in the liberal states. Making an appointment with someone who is so desperate for money, or sex, that they are willing to risk getting arrested, is dangerous. It doesn’t matter if you are the hobbyist or the service provider. Brazen solicitation is one of the most unattractive and indiscreet types of behavior there is. Doing it significantly diminishes the chances of a genuinely hot and juicy encounter, too. So why do men do it? That's what I'd like to know. Why insist on putting yourself and the service providers at risk when it's not necessary? It makes the work seem so sleazy.

Hobbyists who insist on continuing to get their needs met in such a manner cultivate unsophisticated habits that spill over into mainstream dating, as well. They start treating ordinary dates like prostitutes, and wonder why the women refuse to go out again without getting paid. It establishes a negative vortex of diminishing returns at all levels of society. Why do men want that? Ignorance? Insecurity? Misogyny? Because they know the vast majority of people who get arrested for prostitution are women, and they are not worried about it happening to themselves? Why do service providers make appointments with hobbyists who require them to take the risk of getting arrested? That's an even better question.

The answer: Because it’s the only way to get appointments. And that is coercive. Coercion is cold and calculating. Requiring service providers to compromise themselves in order to get business makes it easier for the cops to pose as customers and bust them. Why would any kind and caring person want to make it easier for the police to use the moral law as an alternative form of taxation via fines and probation fees? Do people really want to do that when a slow seduction style would make room for affection to blossom, result in warmer more satisfying and enjoyable encounters, and render the prostitution laws moot by making it impossible for the police to build a case?

Bringing More Love to the Planet

Twenty years ago I got very sick and nearly died. I prayed and asked God why this was happening when my career was just beginning to take off. A voice inside my head said, "People come to you because they want to have an experience of completion on all levels, is that correct?" As a tantra teacher, that is exactly why people make appointments with me. I could hear the voice aloud, like a radio, only it was inside my head. Because I heard the voice aloud, I said, "Yes!" Out loud.

The voice then said, "In order to have an experience of completion on all levels you must do the work of purification on all levels. That is why you are getting sick." I said, "Okay, is there anything else I should know?" The voice said, "Yes. You know that rib?" The first thing that popped into my mind was Adam's rib. So I said, "yes"... The voice said, "Well, I've got it!" It was Eve who spoke to me!

Then I felt like I was suddenly being pushed to yawn. I yawned a great big huge yawn and I couldn't stop yawning. I yawned over and over, and I wasn't even sleepy. I yawned and yawned and yawned and kept yawning unexpectedly off and on for about a week. After I started yawning Eve never spoke to me again. But she still makes me yawn at key times. So I know she is with me.

I have often heard Christian ministers talk about having a personal relationship with Christ and hearing the voice of God. Apparently I have a relationship with Eve. But Jesus has never spoken to me. I was raised in the Baptist church and tried "getting saved" many times. Being raised in a dysfunctional family, I really wanted to be saved and feel peace. But I never felt the peace. I guess Christ speaks to some people the way Eve spoke to me and that is how they know they are saved.

I dedicated and rededicated my life to Christ hoping to feel the peace that passes understanding that I'd always heard that some people feel. But nothing happened. I didn't feel a sense of peace. If anything, I felt more turmoil because I was afraid I wasn't saved. Eventually I gave up hope and became an agnostic. I remained agnostic until a strange thing happened. I began to see people grow horns and fangs.

Ironically, that is what restored my faith in God. And, oddly, it didn't scare me at all. My first thought was, "I am a child of God and demons cannot harm me!" I knew that since God is the creator of all and everything, he created the demons I was seeing too. I even reached up and tried to touch a man's horns one time. I did that because I wanted to know if they were physical, or just a visual hallucination.

When I tried to touch them, his horns receded and disappeared. The person who manifested those horns got very angry at me when they went away. He took me by the arms, threw me aside, left the room, and started packing up his house. A couple of weeks later the friend who introduced me to him said that he had moved to another state. Seeing people grow horns and fangs is how I became a believer in God again.

But I mostly just feel abandoned by God and on my own. It makes me very sad. I'd like to feel secure in relationship with God and be at peace. I only saw the horns and fangs when I was in my early twenties in the 1970's. As I write this, I am now 66 years old. At the time I was so worried about seeing demons that I talked with a Catholic priest about it. He told me I needed to stop using drugs. I did so and I haven't seen any more horns or fangs since. I have been clean and sober for 36 years now.

People started calling me a "Tantra teacher" in the 1990's. I had never even heard the word tantra before. I went and bought some books about it because I wanted to know why people were saying that about me. When I started reading them, I either thought it was a bunch of bunk, or I thought, "I could have written this!" There was no in between.

Since I thought half of it was bunk, I chose to call myself an intimacy coach instead, and distance myself. But the tantric community sought me out and wanted me to come speak, which I did. I soon discovered how advantageous it was to call myself a "tantra teacher" because advertising tantric massage attracts kind, loving, spiritual-minded people who are sincerely interested in personal growth of a sexual nature.

I like being associated with the tantra teachers. But I also consider myself A Course in Miracles Christian. On one hand being lumped in with the tantra teachers causes me a lot of stress because I fundamentally disagree with about half of what they believe. Those who adhere to, and teach the "principles" I disagree with, tend to judge me. To be perfectly honest, there is probably some judgement going both ways. I judge them and they judge me.

It is not my intention to judge anyone. I just don't know how to disagree without thinking that something is wrong. I am open to the possibility that truth can be a relative thing. I am sure that to them I seem lost, confused, and/or deceived. I also admit that am a very gullible and trusting person. I have experienced a lot of trauma because of it. I am both embarrassed and ashamed of my gullibility. But I have to own it because it is there, in me, as me. I also believe that my innocence in that regard protects me.

I have read that satan disguises themself as an angel of light. That was hard for me to understand because I think of God as love and love as pure white light. But I also realize that when light gets really bright, it also gets very hot. And I was conditioned by my upbringing to equate heat with hell. So I am both very cautious of extreme light, and very drawn to it. I know that heat purifies. The love making techniques that I know how to teach are causing men's auras to become very bright with white light. Other women are then drawn to their light like moths to flames. Therefore it is my duty to test men and make sure they are pure enough to use the information I teach respectfully and responsibly.

In 1977 I had a profound sexual experience. I met and fell in love with the love of my life. I fell in love with him because he made love like nobody else I had ever known before. His love making style was as different from all the other men I had been with as the Sun is different from the stars. Neither one of us were prepared for that kind of love.

While we were making love I became afraid that his soul was going to get in my body and my soul was going to get in his body. Once the fear subsided I found myself thinking that we were supposed to have a son, and it was going to be a Christ child. For twelve years I believed that I was put on this planet to have his son. But we were not destined to get married and have children. When he died in 1989 I had to completely re-evaluate my purpose in life, if it was not to have his child. Although I didn't have the words for it yet, I realized it was my destiny to teach others how to make love like the Sex Gods and Goddesses from Sirius.

I met Jim long before I knew anything about tantra. I was seeing the horns and fangs at the time I was seeing him, but he didn't have any. Because of my love for him I quit using drugs and alcohol, became a vegetarian, and started doing systemic cleansing. I wanted to prepare my body and make it a holy temple, because I wanted to have his child, and I thought it would be a Christ child because of the profound experience I had when we made love.

After Jim died, and people began to call me a tantra teacher, I learned the story of Radha and Krishna. Krishna's love for Radha was so great that he lost consciousness and dreamed he was Radha. When he woke up he believed that he was Radha. Radha and Krishna are one, Radha Krishna. They became one by making love. I also learned that Hindu's believe Jesus Christ was a reincarnation of Krishna. I found those Hindu teachings very comforting because they helped me understand what happened when I made love to Jim and became afraid that his soul was going to get in my body, and my soul was going to get in his body.

I also tend to believe that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene. Because they called him "Rabbi", and rabbis are married men, so he must have been married to somebody. I have a degree in Anthropology and have read books by other Anthropologists who say there is evidence that Jesus and Magdalene had a daughter together. Many people believe there are descendants of Jesus Christ living on earth today. I tend to agree with them, if Jesus was indeed a human being, and not just a myth that love implanted to teach us how to be more loving people.

The Christian teachings (that women are supposed to obey men) have always seemed very misogynistic to me, until I began to view them through a tantric lens. Then they made perfect sense. A woman's body is supposed to involuntarily respond with orgasmic pleasure when a man says to "Come with me now!" It is not about a man telling a woman what to wear, where to work, how to keep house or take care of the kids. It is about bringing more love into this world by having spiritual children with very pure souls. It is done by consciously coordinating a mutual simultaneous orgasm. My life purpose is teaching people how.

Many Christian parents act like sex is the dirtiest nastiest most awful thing on earth, and teach the kids they are supposed to save it for someone they love. It is crazy making. How different would this world be if children were taught they were invited to come here and live on earth by means of a sacred holy ritual? But instead they think they are here because of something very nasty that their parents are ashamed of doing. We have to heal this rift in order for the human species to survive. Otherwise we are destined for extinction.

Drinking the blood and eating the body of Christ is another thing Christians do that I find very disturbing, even though I have done it plenty of times. It seems so barbaric to me. It is more like a satanic ritual than something that could usher in love. I guess maybe Jesus thought it would be necessary to fight fire with fire because he knew people would be dealing with demons. But it certainly doesn't seem to be working. Too many Christians are venomous, divisive, and hate-filled.

What I like about the Hindu religion is how they embrace Christ as a reincarnation of Krishna, and everybody is included in their communion rituals. There is no exclusion. Everybody gets to partake. The sacrament is wholesome and non-violent. They serve food that represents the abundance of nature, and love: fruit, nuts, and sweets. They are vegetarian. The ritual is so kind, loving, and beautiful.

The Christian religion purports to be all about love, but their sacrament is anything but. Alcohol is not called "spirits" for nothing. Most, if not all of the people I saw grow horns and fangs, were drinking alcohol. There is a demon associated with rum. Even worse is how you are supposed to pretend you are drinking the blood of Jesus Christ. What a horrifying notion. It has to be very scary for a child. They also eat a piece of cracker and pretend it is the body of Christ. That is cannibalism! How appalling?

I love that Jesus said we are supposed to do even greater things than he. I wish all the loving people who believe in Christ would start washing each others' feet with essential oils, the way Mary Magdalene did for Jesus. I once heard TD Jakes tell the story of Magdalene coming to find Christ and anoint him with oil. His rendition gave me chills. I will never forget it. We desperately need to end war and hatred on this planet. How can something like that be done with a barbaric ritual?

People need to learn intimate communication skills and how to coordinate mutual simultaneous orgasms. Why are they imagining they are vampires and cannibals? People need to be making love in a way that brings the dearest, sweetest, purest, most loving souls into this world. Teenagers could practice and master that skill without even taking their clothes off. Doing so would also increase their frustration tolerance and diminish date rape. But there is so much paranoia of sexual abuse, I doubt if I will live long enough to see it happen. The best I can do is offer the world an adult sex education curriculum that teaches sacred advanced love-making skills.